Halloween

October 31st... Halloween. Instead of gorging themselves on candy, my half-dutch daughters are sleeping soundly in their beds. Why am I a little sad about that?

As this is my first post to my first blog, I should, I think, explain the title I have chosen. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child in 1999, I told Arne-Christian, who is a friend of mine from college who happens to be homosexual with no intention of ever becoming a father. He shook his handsome head and looked off into the distance with a melancholy smirk and said "Life as you know it is OVER, girl." And so it was. And in hindsight, all I can say is Thank God.

I never did get used to lack of sleep, but I got used functioning with the spacey feeling caused by it. Every time I thought I could not go on, I did and so grew my stamina, my coping skills, my confidence, my sense of humor, my ability to put things in perspective in the midst of the noise, mess, and misery. And I have grown and changed in ways I never dreamed possible. Having kids really is our last, best chance to grow up.

Marten to Sonia as she runs off ahead of him: your pants are all wet, kid!
Sonia to Marten, non-chalantly over her shoulder and without changing her pace: the slide!

So this is Still Life with Mama - because I still have a life, albeit unrecognizable as the same life I had as a spoiled 28 year old. And I want to take a moment every day to sit still and savor it.