Hello all!
Just a quick post to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a wonderful 2006!
Love,
me
(and lovely sleepy Sonia... what a dumpling - had to share this picture with you.)

For your consideration, a message from Jon Gordon:

More Joy
Do you ever wonder why just about every child, without direction from an adult, will draw or paint a sun at the top of their pictures? I do. Just the other day as my five year old son was showing me his picture he said, “Oh wait, I forgot to put the sun in it.” It was as if he was saying the picture would not be complete until he symbolically expressed the joy that flowed through him as he created his work of art. My guess is that the sun symbolizes the joy, love, and goodness children feel in their heart.

Joy is something I have been thinking a lot about ever since my wife bought me an ornament with words JOY on it. As we all know, Joy is not easy to describe. It’s like trying to describe Love, God, and Peace. They are spiritual in nature and so they are beyond words and live in the spiritual realm that is better understood as a feeling in our heart rather than words in our head.

Joy is a feeling and it is like experiencing a sun shining brightly inside of us and having this light fill up every cell in our body. While basking in the sun on a beach can make us happy, Joy is felt when we bask in our light from within.

Joy is also more than a feeling. It is spiritual energy that moves through our heart and is radiated to every cell in the body and then outward, shining on every one who comes within our glow. Joy is the energy that moves a child to skip, inspires a Mom to sing in the shower, causes a belly laugh and energizes a musical, theatrical, athletic or business performance. The fact is that you can eat all the healthy organic foods in the world and you can exercise every day and be as fit as a tri-athlete but if you have no Joy your power supply will be very limited and so will your energy. Just as my son’s picture was not complete without the sun in it, our lives will not be fulfilled or complete without Joy flowing through it. Because where there is Joy, there is God and if there is no Joy in it, God isn’t in it either and if God isn’t in it then something is missing.

So today I encourage you (please know I am also saying this to myself) to find and create more Joy in your life. Seek out activities that bring you Joy. Take time for silence each day to remove the stress and busyness that blocks your Joy. Engage yourself in the present timeless moment where Joy lives. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing ask, “Where is the Joy,” “Do I feel it,” and “How can I experience more Joy?” If you are not sure where the Joy is and you don’t feel it then think of a time when you felt Joy. Perhaps it was when your child was born or when a sunset took your breath away or when you just felt really spiritually connected. Then sit there and close your eyes and focus on your breathing while you recall how you felt during this time of Joy. But don’t just think it. Try to recall and experience this feeling. Then say, “I accept all the Joy and love in my life. I am open to it and I allow it to flow through me. I am Joy.” My hope is that this will open you up to the Joy that wants to express itself through you. And just as children include the sun in all their pictures you will decide to weave Joy into the fabric of your life.

Gingerbread Street 132

The girls have built a new house in a centrally located area - close to the kitchen, opposite the television, and not too far from the toy cupboard. Their new address is Gingerbread Street 132. It is a nice neighborhood - you should stop by! They might share their cookies with you...

Look at her go!

Look at her go!
On the way home from the supermarket, Sonia took the high road. A few months ago she wouldn't go up there unless I walked in front of her. Atta girl.

After dinner tonight, I started teaching Maddy the song "Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer". A half an hour and two off-key verses later, we looked up to see that Sonia was still happily playing with her plastic tea set. She had everything layed out on large cloth napkin on the footstool, and had pulled up two little chairs and two stools up for us to sit. Wonderful stuff.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Alice has just announced that she is committing the following classic poem to memory ("Good exercise for my brain"). As she recited the first four stanzas for us at the office, Véronique and I got chills of excitement. Alice has single-handedly brought us the spirit of Christmas...


'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer!
Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid!
on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch!
to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away!
dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.A
s I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Sinterklaas

Hello all!

Here I am again! I've recovered from my champagne hangover and survived my re-entry into regular daily life...

Marten and the girls brought me breakfast in bed (beschuit met muisjes!) to celebrate the victory of having written a book. The word 'book' is used euphemistically, I assure you, but I loved celebrating having reached my goal all the same.

Véronique has read the manuscript, and we have since had several good laughs about the confusing chronology, the characters that lack depth, the clumsy dialogue and the persistant use of my own voice for several characters. She laughed out loud over several bits, not because of sparkling prose, but only because she recognized the shameless insertion of episodes from real life... but, having said that, I am proud to say that she actually shed tears over the bits that were meant to be sad.

Her final verdict, I believe, is that it is a wonderful skeleton of a book that should be at least twice as long as it is now. I have been given orders to sort out the time line, do the necessary research, and continue to write with a focus on realistic detail.

On a less happy note, my internal editor has returned from the Internal Editor Kennel. On my way home from work on 1 December, I noticed an irritating critical voice in the back of my mind that I had not heard since 1 November. I was just starting to cower and feel insecure, when it occurred to me that I could hide the 'book' from my editor. So there I stood in my mind's eye with the manuscript behind my back, innocently whistling "Singin' in the Rain", when She asks me how my month was.
Me: "oh, fine. Nothing special. Same ole, same ole...and you - how was the Internal Editor vacation camp?"
Internal Editor: "Great. Learned a lot of new tactics. What's that behind your back? Have you been writing while I was gone?"
Me: "Who me?! Nah..."
Etc.
It wasn't pretty. Playing out this goofy scene in my head somehow chased the insecurity away. Just to be on the safe side, however, I have have decided not to look at the manuscript myself for a week.

I asked Sonia for a kiss on my nose, and she gave me one, but her lips didn't make the smooch sound she likes so much. She used a phrase Maddy uses when she has attempted a trick on the bar, and it doesn't turn out right.
Sonia: "Wacht, dat was 'm niet" = "Wait, that wasn't it"
She gives me a second kiss on the nose, this time with smooch sound. That was it.
Maybe it is that way with this book too. "Wait, that wasn't it... just give me a year to get it right."

Fun news about Maddy: She and Marten went to see a famous Dutch band that produces children's music (called V.O.F. De Kunst) at the new theater here in Alphen aan den Rijn.
It was a full house...700 people there swinging to jazzy renditions of Sinterklaas songs. At one point Sinterklaas himself arrives, and the lead singer invites all the kids onto the stage. Maddy joins about 200 kids in running up to the front of the theater and climbing on stage. There is music, there is dancing, there is singing and clapping.

And suddenly there is an announcement.

"A little girl here would like to sing a song for you, Sinterklaas!" The crowd goes silent.

Our little redhead has managed to worm her way through all the other kids and pull on the lead singers pant's leg long enough to get his attention and subsequently convinced him that she really really wants to sing a song for Sinterklaas. And there she stood, smiling and relaxed in her Zwarte Piet suit, singing a Sinterklaas song she had just learned at school, and which apparently no one else knew. A solo act. Applause. When the music started again, Maddy continued dancing with the other kids and having a great time. A star is born...

Final word count: 50,037!!!!!

Am going to open that bottle of champagne now...

Day 29

Word count: 49, 185... with one day, one hour and a little over 5 minutes to go.

Ai ai ai... someone should remind me to be careful what I wish for. I have some serious writer's block going here. I have already written the ending, so now tonight I began to flesh out earlier scenes. This is, of course, infinitely more difficult than writing new scenes.

Out of sheer desperation, I have now added the story of Forseti, the Norse god who is said to reside on Helgoland. I have told the story through main character Louise to her grandchildren Sanne and Ivar. It ties in, but only very marginally... oh well. Experimentation is allowed. Please send me your positive thoughts tomorrow as I round off this marathon...I am going to need all the help I can get.

Picked up second-hand snow pants for the girls on my lunch break, and they love them. Pulled them right on over their jeans and danced around the house looking like the Michelin tire guy until dinner was ready. Maddy wanted to wear them to bed (no) and to school tomorrow (I don't think so). Sonia kept pointing to herself and saying "Sonia snowman!" Great entertainment for just a few euros! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Day 28

Word count: 47,977... only 2,023 words to go.

And how, you ask, can a person close up shop for the night with so few words to go?
No problem. I am ready to sleep. I have some ideas for the remaining 2023 words, but I am going to save them for tomorrow.

The thing is, I believe I want to have the moment of glory with all the trimmings. I want the last couple of words to be typed with a dramatic flourish. I want it to be 11:52 on Wednesday night and 50 words to go. You know what I mean?

I have decided that this must be the reason I am dragging my feet again today in my writing. Everything is falling nicely together - even the granddaughter Sanne, who so rudely pirated my first chapter, gets the last word.

I had a great day with the girls today. Sonia helped me at the grocery store at the check-out by standing on her tip-toes and tossing items from the basket onto the conveyer belt. When she was done, she blew out a sigh of relief and dusted her hands together. It's hard work!

After school we had popcorn and watched Pippi Longstocking, and at bedtime Maddy asked if Sonia could sleep in her bed again. After extracting a promise from Sonia that she would go to sleep immediately (including demonstration of how she would close her eyes), I agreed. As I sat down to write, I heard Maddy singing Sonia to sleep. Lovely.

A happy anniversary to Corine and Shanka - may Rohan soon have a sibling of his own, now that you have a house with bedrooms to fill...

Day 27

Word count: 46,838 still 1859 words ahead of schedule with three days to go.
Three days?!?

Yes, for those of you who have not been keeping as close an eye on the calender as I have this month, it may come as a bit of a surprise that November is nearly over. Just another three days, 2 hours and 22 minutes to be exact. Aaack. Am going to be optimistic and buy myself a bottle of champagne tomorrow - that way every time I open the fridge, I will be reminded that glory is just around the corner. Fame may never come, but glory will be mine!

Yesterday I was in the flow - my characters were speaking for themselves and I was just typing as fast as I could to keep up with them. Today, not so much. No matter. I have learned from this marathon that it is no use waiting for the muse. If you want to write something worthwhile, you have to be prepared to write even when uninspired so that the muse can catch you unaware.

Maddy decided today that she wants to be a cowgirl when she grows up. She put on her jeans, a blue and white checked top and tied a bandana around her neck. and came downstairs to announce that she was going outside to play. I gave her her coat and helped her tuck her scarf under the bandana and sent her off, but she kept coming in to adjust the scarf around her neck, and was rather annoyed that she had to wear her winter coat because she didn't think a cowgirl would wear it. After explaining to her that it was freezing outside and she had to wear her coat and her scarf, and that it was denim anyway and so looked very western...we finally told her that real cowgirls were too busy doing fun stuff to worry about their scarves and jackets. She looked up from her reflection in the oven door and said. "O.K.!" and we didn't hear another word about the coat or the scarf. She spent the better part of the afternoon practicing with her jump rope lasso. Yeehah! Sometimes we are a little slow on the uptake...

Day 26

Word count: 45,702 - so a whopping 2360 words ahead of schedule! And I've written the hardest scene to write in the novel - the one where all is revealed! Yeah!

I know I said I'd be away, but the weather was against us. Yesterday there was a snowstorm that caused the longest traffic jam in the history of the country... more than 800 km! While I was sitting warm and comfortable at my desk, whining about all the editing I had ahead of me, thousands of people were stuck in their cars, hungry and shivering. No casualties, but a lot of people stranded for hours on end. Several train lines were down as well, and the Red Cross opened up shelters. Chaos.

In any case, the roads were still icy today, and they were expecting another cold front from the north, so we stayed put. We were sorry to miss Greetjes party - we had been really looking forward to it. Alvast gefeliciteerd, Greetje! The girls were disappointed to miss their trip to see Oma, but we'll try to make it up there next weekend.

I will leave you today with a couple of new phrases that Sonia has taken to using all the time:

"Ik denk het wel." = "I think so."(used whenever she would normally say yes, like when we ask facetiously whether she is ready to get out of bed after she has called out to us repeatedly with a voice resembling a fog horn)

"zometeen" = "in a moment" (used whenever asked to do something she doesn't want to do, like eating her beans)

"hij doet het niet" = "it doesn't work" (used for anything that she cannot operate in one go, like the perfectly good zipper on her shoe, or the button on her coat)

Day 25

Word count: 43, 795... still 2120 words ahead of schedule.

With the finish line coming into sight, I am experiencing a wee dip in inspiration. Could it be that my system is wearing out from the repeated jolts of adrenaline everytime I made my word count?

I can't seem to stop thinking about the enormous amount of editing I have just created for myself. It is silly! All I have to do now is write the scene where all is revealed, and wrap up the loose ends with monologues by characters who never seem to run out of things to say.

Unfortunately, all I can think as I sit at the computer tonight is the following: I already have 43,795 words of a novel that has, among many other things, some serious chronology problems, and now I am supposed to add more words that will need to be edited? I don't think so!

I can see that I have made the potentially deadly mistake of looking ahead to what comes after I finish the novel. Must try to crawl humbly back... no, make that RUN like the mad woman that I am back to the here and now, where my work is simply to write until I drop. There. Attitude adjustment accomplished.

Incidentally, I just want to say that this blog has been enormously helpful to me during the past 24 days of writing mania. As long as I maintain a clear enough head to write a few words to you every day, I know I am alright. Thanks for reading along so far!

We are going up to Assen this weekend (armed with a laptop!) for Greetje's 40th birthday, so won't be able to post again until Sunday at the earliest. Happy belated Thanksgiving to all back home, and hope you have a terrific weekend!

Day 23 (and a half)

Word count: 41,776! Still out ahead by 1,768 words.

Yesterday (the 23rd), was another domestic marathon. Volunteered to help another mom glue amazing pieces of art into the scrapbooks of all fourty-something kindergarten kids. Continued my afternoon high on glue fumes, wrote my quota while Sonia slept, and rounded off the day at my dear colleague Alice's house for a very enjoyable Expertise Centre potluck in the Hague. My colleagues turn out to be really good cooks! Finally got to bed at 12:30, and any anecdotes about the kids I might have shared with you on the blog had, by that time, been erased from my memory by exhaustion helped along by two glasses of lovely red wine. Forgive me...

Day 22

Word count: 40, 271. ahem. That is precisely 3,597 words ahead of schedule...

hee hee. Shhh. Did a little stealth writing at the office today while nobody was lookin'. My guidebook says that is legal this week. I'll make up the time, trust me...

Man, does it feel good to have crossed the 40k mark...and man, does it feel good to have a pretty good idea where the story is going...and man oh man am I stiff and sore from all this typing. There are parts of my body I have given up for lost. (Sorry, just needed to whine a little. I don't want any of you to think this is a walk in the park, or anything...)

Came home to find the girls all dressed up in their "Zwarte Piet" suits, carrying burlap bags they had stitched with colorful ribbons and filled with little red paper packets containing two peppernuts each (our babysitter Ineke is so creative! Worth her weight in gold, truly)

Sonia likes 'kipples'. Asked Marten for more kipples at the table this evening. I had my hands full, and looked up to see Marten looking around at the various items on the table to see what Sonia was pointing to. Maddy laughed. "She means pickles, papa. She wants pickles."
Sonia smiled and nodded, "yeah, kipples. More kipples."
Best moment of the day.

Day 21

Word count: 36,001... 994 words ahead of schedule! And three quarters of the way done!

Foof, what a day, folks. Four loads of laundry done, four meals prepared (made yummy lentil soup for tomorrow), tidied up the toys twice (why do I bother?), read at least 11 stories aloud (best moments of the day), and managed to get some writing in during Sonia's nap and after I got them to bed. They are both sleeping in Maddy's bed for the first time. They were so set on the idea of trying it, I gave in. We'll see how it goes.

I took the girls into town for a rare shopping trip to the local Hennes and Mauritz (for the U.S. readers, think cheap and trendy). Both of them are growing so fast, I can hardly keep them clothed. I swear Maddy has grown several inches in the last three weeks, and was down to her last pair of reasonably warm pants that fit.

While we were debating on the red or the purple pants, Sonia took off down a side aisle for the second time. I went directly after her, but she had disappeared into thin air. I quickly scanned all of the aisles around us, and went back to Maddy and asked her to help me. We called her name and rushed in and out of aisles of clothes, but no Sonia.

I remembered when Maddy had simply left a store and wandered across a busy square to a toy shop when she was a bit older than Sonia is now. I went outside onto the new square and called her name, thinking she might have been over by the river by that time looking for Sinterklaas!!!

Went back in and asked the manager to help me look. I found her moments later inside a circular rack of long pants. I have never been happier to see her little feet. When I picked her up, she put her little hands on my cheeks and said 'Sonia hiding!', as if to say 'Steady on, Mom...it's just a game!'. Right. O.k. Mama was scared.

Regained composure, thanked manager, and paid for two pairs of red pants and two red t-shirts. Won't be able to lose them in those outfits, I tell you.

Day 20

Wordcount: 33,881... still 541 words out in front.

Am stuffed and satisfied. We were treated to a complete turkey dinner with all of the fixings by Véronique and Mark this evening. The food was delicious and the girls played nicely and the four of us grown-ups enjoyed each others company. Happy almost Thanksgiving!!! (or as Sonia says, "Tanks kiwi")

Am going to roll into bed now and sleeeeeeep.
More tomorrow...

Day 19

Word count: 32,754, which puts me 1081 words ahead of schedule! A personal record!

Am only going to have time to revel briefly in the luxury of being so far ahead of schedule, as I imagine my writing time will be limited tomorrow. We are going to be wined and dined tomorrow evening... am looking very much forward to getting up from this desk and interacting socially.

Marten and the girls and I went into town this morning to see Sinterklaas arrive in the fair city of Alphen aan the Rijn. Unfortunately, so did thousands of other families from Alphen aan de Rijn and nearby villages.

The city has just completed a major renovation of the city centre, including a brand new square on the Rhine river. Sinterklaas' steamboot moored alongside this new square, and all of the thousands of children were hoisted up onto all of the thousands of wearied parents' shoulders, and the show began. Unfortunately, only the kids right up front could see or hear anything. We lured our kids away after 10 minutes with the promise of gingerbread nuts at the local bakery (Bribery works. I am not ashamed.)

We were just tucking into our gingerbread outside the bakery, when along came a baton-twirling team of majorettes, followed by a marching band, followed by a small army of "Zwarte Pieten" handing out FREE gingerbread nuts, followed by, you won't believe it... a horse-drawn trolley car in which Sinterklaas himself sat waving at the kids!!! The girls were thrilled. Ha!

Day 18

Word count: 30,789!!! No less than 783 words AHEAD of chedule!

Hoo ha. I am a Goddess with an Attitude who has just bought herself a first class ticket to a good night's sleep. Satisfaction is sweet. Am listening to Innessa Galante singing Ave Maria on my headphones and feel positively sublime... This state of mind can be yours too, for the small price of producing an average of 1,667 words a day for 18 days straight. Please not to confuse sublime with cocky. I am carefully guarding against feeling cocky by allowing myself to revel in tiny victories and then getting back to work. Cocky is asking for trouble.

Girls were high strung by the time I got home from work this evening, having been cooped up in the house all day feeling yucky. By the time bedtime rolled around, Maddy had a goose egg on her noggin as a result of being assaulted by her two-foot tall, swaggering, bully of a sister who was wielding a pink and lavender plastic blow dryer. Ai ai ai.

Once upstairs, it became clear that Sonia was looking for trouble. She proceeded to kidnap Maddy's special stuffed animal "Tweetje". Maddy has slept with that rabbit every night for over a year, and no matter how dedicated Maddy is to Sonia, this wasn't going to happen. Clever girl that she is, Maddy brought Sonia her stuffed sheep, which is almost identical to Tweetje, except for the ears and the color (the Easter bunny tries to be fair). Once Sonia was convinced that the sheep was an acceptable replacement for Tweetje, I asked her what she wanted to name it. "Aap." she said, and hugged it. For those of you who don't speak Dutch, this is the equivalent to naming a stuffed sheep "Eep", except that "Aap" means "monkey" in Dutch. Maddy and I looked at eachother and laughed. Aap. Maddy and Tweetje (which, incidentally is named after the sound Maddy claims a rabbit makes) and Sonia and Aap all fell asleep quickly this evening, hence the amazing word count.

Day 17

Word count: 27,939... 400 words behind schedule.

Am well and truly exhausted again, but made good progress on the story. At a loss as to how to proceed, I skimmed through what I have already - against my better judgement, mind you - and suddenly knew what I needed to do. So much for my better judgement.

Took the time to work out the timeline more precisely, which freed me up to use more historical detail (think word-count padding), and made bold decisions about the plot and sketched them out so that I now have a three line prompt for each of the final(?) four sections of Part 1. Right. Suffice it to say that despite the word count deficit, I feel like I spent my time well this evening.

Both the girls are feeling sick - Sonia has a bit of a fever, and I am sure Madelin isn't going to be far behind. Poor sweeties. Both are so snuggly when they aren't feeling good, so off to bed I go...for I may be up and down all night with them. Have reached the point where madcap attempt at writing a novel feels simply mad.

Day 16

Word count: 26,290... only 382 measly words behind schedule, despite loss of yesterday's work and despite ridiculously hectic day with the girls. Sheesh.
The Goddess with an Attitude is going to sleep now.
G'night.

Day 15 and a half

word count: 23,361... 2054 words LESS than yesterday.

Minor setback: computer ate my homework. Four and a half hours of work down the tubes. Must have screwed up in saving my work, despite safety precaution of saving to hard drive and memory stick. Felt positively ill and dizzy for about 45 minutes after I saw what had happened. Checked and double checked. It is really gone. The real stinger is that I actually liked what I had written yesterday. When I grumbled "Stupid computer!", Sonia said "Ach, sweet mama. Sonia fix it!" Bless that girl.

When the going gets tough, the tough... eat grilled cheese sandwiches and bake gingerbread cookies. Desperate times call for major carbohydrate intake. When I tipped over a bag of brown sugar, spilling about two cups on the kitchen floor, I sighed and started cleaning it up. Maddy said "I think it is really good that you aren't giving up." Bless that girl, too.

And now back to the drawing board. Will have to write like a bat out of H E double hockey sticks to catch up.

More later...

Day 15

Word count: 25, 415! Over the half-way mark, 410 words ahead of schedule...

In honor of this occasion I have been awarded a new button, which I shall wear at all times during the next two weeks (well, maybe not in the shower or on my pajamas). It reads:

GODDESS WITH AN ATTITUDE

Thanks Véronique!

Sonia was putting me through the regular bedtime paces this evening, and finally she lay on my lap with her head in the crook of my arm, waving around a small stuffed ostrich. Madelin offered to tell her a story. I said that was fine, but with the lights out - she would have to tell her a story she knew. She offered Little Red Riding Hood. Sonia replied, "No, ostrich!"
"O.k. Little Red Red Riding Hood with Ostrich." agreed Maddy. Sonia said "Good." and she plugged her little thumb into her mouth and listened to the following story*.

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl and her grandmother gave her a little red riding hood and her mother asked her if she wanted to bring her grandmother a basket of food, and she said okay. So she and her ostrich...mama how do you say ostrich in Dutch? (I couldn't think of the word struisvogel just then so we settled on reiger, which is Dutch for 'heron') Okay, so Little Red Riding Hood and her heron went into the woods and they met a... mama what kind of animals like to eat ostriches, uh I mean herons? (I told her a wolf would probably eat a heron if he were hungry enough). Okay, so the wolf said to Little Red Riding hood "I'm hungry. I want to eat your heron!" and Little Red Riding Hood said "No way! Have you gone completely crazy?!" and she ran with the heron all the way to her grandmother's house. When she got there her grandmother looked strange,... she had a beak and she said quack quack, so little Red Riding Hood and the heron went home."

And then she said, "Mom, I was afraid it was going to go all wrong, and then it turned out good!" Thanks to Maddy's quick thinking, Sonia won't have any nightmares involving wolves and ostriches (or even herons).

May the second half of my NaNoWriMo novel reflect even a fraction of Maddy's flexibility, creativity, and bold decision-making. And may I remember that even if I am afraid it will all go wrong, it might just turn out "good" in the end. No matter how the novel turns out, I am so very lucky to have found my way home.

*retold as accurately as possible

Day 14

Happy Birthday Mom! My word count today is dedicated to you...23,637, which is 299 words ahead of the worst-case scenario plan. Hurrah!

Mom and Dad won't be able to check in for a couple of weeks, as they are on the road again - driving from North Dakota to Washington state to stay with Grandma Helen and Grandpa Bob through Thanksgiving. Talked to them this evening as they were driving through Billings, Montana and they were in high spirits, and planning on stopping for a birthday pizza dinner!

I don't know whether it is the crisp fall weather that has finally arrived here, or the almost full moon, or the fact that I AM NEARLY HALFWAY DONE with my 50,000 words, but I have been feeling positively cheerful all day.

Well, almost all day. While I was making dinner, Sonia got into the drawer that contains a variety of paints. Which one do you think she used to do her face, her shirt, her jeans, her shoes and her chair with?

a.) one of the three sets of water-colors
b.) the water-based face paints
c.) the set of oil paints for a paint-by-number kit that isn't quite finished yet.

Those who chose answers a. or b. are either true optimists or they have never had a two-year old in their house for more than five minutes. Aaaaargh.

I have made little progress in the area of daring to goof up. I mean, I am sure I am goofing up all over the place, but am not yet feeling that great expanse opening up before me where goofing up big will feel truly okay. In any case, I am still fleshing out earlier scenes, adding detail that will help me to tie things together and wrote two new sections touching on important events that have only been mentioned. All very respectable novelling, I assure you, but I supect I am again hypnotized by the Pure Potential factor (see Day ? post) - meaning as long as I resist pinning myself down to anything specific, this novel might still take an astonishing turn... ahem. Right. I know. I'm going already.

Day 13

Word count (drum roll, please): 21,792, ladies and gentlemen. One Hundred and Twenty One words AHEAD of schedule (the crowd goes wild...what a comeback!)

They got fresh peanuts in the V.I.P. lounge, folks, and everything is feeling good (except my right arm, and my shoulders, oh and my legs are cramped from sitting for hours on end). I am ready to keep up with my word count again, with no small thanks to my amazing, wonderful man who has allowed me to sleep in two days in a row this weekend to catch up on some much-needed rest. I can feel the difference in my brain activity.

So, I've answered one of the twelve important questions I set for myself yesterday, and avoided answering the remaining eleven questions by fleshing out an earlier scene with a stay at an inn in Hamburg. I discovered I had caused my two main characters - sisters Louise and Birgit - to travel 8 hours by steamboat and then another I-don't-know-how-many hours on to Leiden in one day. No wonder Birgit was suddenly not travelling well. I put them up for the night at the best inn I could find, complete with stout, gruff innkeeper and greasy food. (Truly pleasant inns make for boring reading. Mark my words.).

If I want to keep up now, I have to just make choices and go with them - even if it means scrapping whole sections later if I am wrong. The NaNoWriMo rules state that there is to be no editing done during the month of November. Every word counts, even if you know at some point in the writing process that you have to cut a scene or an entire chapter that has gone off on a tangent. I am going to focus tomorrow on feeling free to goof up. Not an easy thing for me, as you may have surmised...;)

The neighbor lady Yvonne came over this afternoon and surprised the girls with sweaters she had knit for them. Wow! Bright shades of orange and green, set off by brown and white, Sonia's features a parrot and Maddy's a snow man, with a drawstring waistband hung with big fuzzy pom-poms. I can honestly say I have never seen such amazing sweaters and the girls love them. The weather here is supposed to start feeling wintery on Tuesday, and we are ready for it!

Day 12

Word count: 19,780 - only 244 words behind schedule!

Ha! Today I had a turning point. I suddenly realized which questions I needed to answer before I could proceed with anything akin to purpose. And, believe it or not, I had the wherewithal to actually write these important questions down before they swirled back into the eddies of my thoughts, never to be heard from again. Will tack up this list of questions on the kitchen cupboard and on the bathroom mirror and on the ceiling above my bed in a large font (just kidding) and ponder them all day tomorrow. Tonight, I shall go to bed at a reasonable hour...

Sinterklaas has arrived in the Netherlands! We ate lots of kruidenoten and the girls put on their Zwarte Piet suits. Both girls have terrible colds and their ears must be blocked, as they are talking MUCH LOUDER THAN USUAL. As all of you will agree, they are not the quietest children anyway... pooh.

Day 11

Word count: 17,086... 1,252 words behind schedule, but making progress again

Am forging on... The first act as it were is complete, the stage set for the 2nd act where my characters are going to have to show what they are made of. I had wanted to include historical data and spent a good deal of time in the weeks prior to NaNoWriMo gathering source material. I am finding that I am only using a very small percentage of the information I have, and am scrambling to find information about very practical things I hadn't even thought of.

Does anyone happen to know anything about the history of trains in Germany and the Netherlands? Trains and meetings on trains seem to keep popping up, and I had originally thought to set the story in the last two decades of the 19th century. And if a lady were to go to a concert of Bach in Munster (with umlaut) where would she go? And could she take a train home to her fashionable neighborhood just outside Munster (still with umlaut)? And are there any fashionable neighborhoods just outside Munster (you betcha, umlaut again)?

You get the idea.

I read somewhere in the guide book that it is legal to invent facts if necessary, to be researched and edited at some later point. Am afraid though that if I miss too many stitches, I'll have to pull the whole thing out, wind up my wooly fiction back into a ball and start over...

Quote for the day (to leave you with a fine metaphor written by a guy who knew what he was doing):

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Maddy: What are french fries made of? Us: Potatoes.
Maddy: What are potatoes made of? Us: Potatoes.
Maddy: Here, have my pickle. Us: Why, you like pickles.
Maddy: What are pickles made of? Us: Cucumbers.
Maddy: Oh. It looks like they are made of frog...

Maddy can explain how milk is really made of grass. She goes into such wonderful detail, her teacher asked her to go to another classroom to explain it to the children there. Maddy said the boy she likes in that class listened with his mouth wide open, he was so surprised... hee hee.

Day 10 (and a half)

Still 15,285, so 1,385 words behind schedule. Aaack. Goodbye V.I.P. lounge!

I actually fell asleep with my head on Maddy's lap yesterday afternoon while she was watching a video, and so my window of opportunity to write closed with a soft thud. Went to massage class last night telling myself that it would do me good to take a day off from scribbling, and it did. But now, of course, I gotta catch up.

Welcome to any new readers! As you may have surmised, you have been shamelessly roped into the onerous task of keeping me on my toes, if only in that I know you might be checking in every day.

I should explain that I began this marathon 10 days ago with a secret fear that I would be tempted to give up at some point (really?!), and so did not alert everybody. The possibility of mass shaming was simply more peer pressure than I could bear (yes, I do realize that this is all projection and taking place entirely in my own head, but there you have it). In any case, two days ago I realized that this possibility was just the leverage I needed to lift me up to where I couldn't possibly back down - hence the second wave of potential readers.

Just finished teaching my last session of Academic Writing for the semester, and will now work diligently on my novel. More later...

Day 9

15,285: This is 282 words ahead of schedule.

I will tell you something, this is the worst V.I.P. lounge I have ever been in. Stale peanuts, nothing to drink, the chair I am sitting on feels like a rock, my eyes are burning from the dry air and bright screen, and my fingers and toes are ice cold. And it is midnight. Again. And this evening I had to make some major executive decisions about plot twists with very little time to consider. Everything up until now has been a walk in the park in comparison. The NaNoWriMo guide book warned me this would happen, but I didn't believe it would apply to me, the cheerful energizer bunny writer. Guh.

I have received some very encouraging words from some of you in the last two days and they have done me a world of good...Thank you! If you've been thinking you'd like to drop me a line one of these days, now would be a good time. Any time this week. The prediction is that the third and fourth week are considerably easier going for those intrepid souls who get through week two.

The girls are doing great. Maddy is mastering the jump rope this week - there is a sudden jump rope craze at her school, and she is having a great time. She ties all three of her jump ropes together and then onto a wooden post in the back yard and then hollers for me to come turn the rope. The sheer joy in her eyes that she can do it is beautiful indeed. I had a go at it myself, and the neighbor Fred - still on his roof and accompanied by teenage son - had a good laugh. Sonia fell on her mouth yesterday at the playground and still looks like she lost a fight - swollen upper lip. When asked this morning whether it hurt, she said "nah, doesn't hurt". So cool. Tough girl.

Day 8

13,683, a whopping 297 words ahead of schedule. According to the NaNoWriMo rule book, staying on schedule during week 2 puts me in the V.I.P. lounge. Yeah!

Am really well and truly tired, so will simply sign off for the night now. Until tomorrow...

Day 7

Week one is officially over, and I am precisely 21 words ahead of schedule, sliding in at a grand total of 11,689. I decided that for such dedication and perseverence I deserved an official NaNoWriMo participant icon on my post for today (it was offered free of charge on the NaNoWriMo website. Wish I looked that fit in tight running shorts. Come to think of it, shouldn't he be a she lugging a computer under his, eh her arm?). In any case, this icon feels like a gold star did in kindergarten, and I am keeping it, so there.

I am experimenting with a form of fiction in which various characters speak, write letters, and write diary entries, but in which there are also sections that are written in the 3rd person with dialogue. I am feeling my way in the dark, here, and enjoying it immensely still. Don't know if it will ever be readable, but it is a great way to practice.

Maddy and Sonia were terrific today. We made chocolate chip cookies after school (which I shall also reward myself with momentarily), and both were covered in flour and had sticky faces from licking the batter off the beaters and spoon and bowl and fingers... Maddy went out into the back garden and called up to our neighbor who was working on his roof "Hey, Fred: Do you want a cookie?!" Fred did want, and Maddy was sure his wife Marion would too, so she brought a little foil packet of cookies over. Meanwhile, Sonia strapped on Maddy's bicycle helmet and then got Maddy to help her strap on her rollerskates. She's two years and two months old! Wonderful stuff.

Day 6

Word count: 10,146
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen... I am over a fifth of the way home! All of this writing at every opportunity has exacted its toll on the Venema household, however, so felt obliged to roll up my sleeves to clean house and do laundry today. There are limits to how many dust bunnys a person can tolerate, and we were all down to our skivvies.

Maddy and Sonia entertained themselves with the facepaint kit for far longer than I had dared to hope - I managed to vaccuum two floors and scrub the bathroom before they appeared before me as clowns. They had taken turns doing eachother's faces, and the result was interesting indeed - Sonia's face tended towards cubism, and Maddy looked like she had met Jackson Pollack in person. Fantastic!

The ladies Louise and Birgit are still waiting on the train to arrive in Leiden - the granddaughter interrupted to tell a story told to her by Louise. Persistant, this grandaughter. Her voice is probably closest to my own, but I am starting to see where we are different and so she is becoming more of a real person on the page. Sanne, she is called. She was very useful today in helping me out of a corner I had backed myself into with Birgit. None of this, of course, will make any sense to any one reading this, but when my novel is on the shelves in your neighborhood bookstore, all will become clear... ; )

Quote of the Day:

"Believe that you can do it, under any circumstances. Because if you believe you can, then you really will. That belief just keeps you searching for the answers, then pretty soon you get it."

– Wally "Famous" Amos

Day 5

Word count: 9304… foof. The granddaughter character that imposed herself in chapter 1 is turning out to be quite a handy word-count booster. Still don’t know how she will tie in to the theme exactly, but I am keeping her in the cast of characters for as long as she continues to find something to say.

My two main characters, Louise and Birgit, are currently on a train from Hamburg to Leiden, having arrived in Hamburg on the boat from Helgoland where they live. For the first time since November 1st, I am sorry to leave them behind as I close up shop for the night. I am really looking forward to writing their arrival, partly because Birgit doesn’t travel well (!), partly because the character that will be there to meet them is an interesting fellow (his letter of invitation in chapter 2 was intriguing)…and partly because there is oh so much detail I can draw upon to describe Louise and Birgit’s first impressions of Leiden. If Sam can’t go to Helgoland, the main characters must come to Sam. For the scenes that do take place on Helgoland I have made good use of internet resources, including a website with 360◦ panorama pictures from different points on the island.

Day 4

Word count: 6814, and I am feeling the burn now, folks. This is a literary marathon and I am a card-carrying couch potato. Nearly 11:00 on Friday evening after a busy day of teaching and mama-ing, and man oh man am I ready for bed.

I read through what I have so far and I will say this: it could be worse. I seem to be trying too hard to pack every sentence with telling detail, and my plot line so far resembles the dotted line left behind by adventuresome little Billy in the Family Circle cartoons. Nonetheless, I am still enjoying the euphoria-inducing waves of adrenaline released everytime I stop to remember that I am actually doing it. I am just doing it. Ha!

I am going to fall asleep now trusting that the seeds I am sowing this week may very well blossom into a coherent story in some way that I cannot now forsee. Maddy has already begun doing victory dances for me in the living room: "Mama is a winner, mama wrote a book, yay mama"... and Sonia bouncing along behind her echoing the key words. With cheerleaders like that, how could I possibly lose?

Day 3

5009! Eight whole words ahead of schedule!
Maddy and her friend Lisa have been instructed to play nicely downstairs, and Sonia is at Lisa's mama's house playing with her best friend Dave. An hour long window of opportunity seized and now I can go to my massage course this evening without being distracted overly much by possible scenarios for chapter 2 to be written in the wee hours before I can go to sleep tonight.

What is surprising me most these last couple of days is how much time really can be found for writing, or any other single-minded pursuit, I suppose. I am able to slip in and out of writing mode with very little turbulence either way. My preconception that I couldn't possibly ever try my hand at writing unless I worked considerably less has been proved utterly wrong.

And the thing is, I secretly suspected that it was wrong all along, but the hypnotizing allure of Pure Potentiality kept me in the limbo of Someday... Now that I have simply started writing, I see the advantages and disadvantages of Pure Potentiality more clearly. The major advantage is that I never actually have to do the hard work of learning the craft of writing - I can just read well-executed novels by first-time authors admiringly and say "I could do that. I see how they did that..." and half believe it as I drift off to sleep at night.

Unfortunately, there is no way back to Pure Potentiality now that I have 5009 words to serve as an indication of my potential (ahem), so I shall stress here the major disadvantage of living in that pristine state where anything is potentially possible: on some level, I never really liked myself for not having the pluck to try.

Because of NaNoWriMo's emphasis on quantity above quality, I am in a position to allow myself to playfully try without cancelling out the pure potential that lies in my skills as an editor. Perhaps this amorphous mass of words I am producing may be the beginnings of a not terrible novel, and wouldn't that be something!

Maddy and Lisa just came up to ask whether they could disturb me for something very important. Apparently they are the Totally Spies girls (popular cartoon show here) and each of them needs a piece of super bubble gum to help them get the bad guys (the unsuspecting neighbors). Time to sign off...

Day 2

Left off last night at 1801 words, and well into the first chapter. The granddaughter may be cut altogether at one point, but the rule book says to never delete doubtful drivel - every word counts towards the end goal of 50,000 words. I did find it rather worrisome that I kept thinking how lucky Marten was to be downstairs sprawled out on the couch watching T.V. without a bone in his body yearning to write a book. No time to ponder this, however - onwards ho. Managed to squeeze an hour of writing this afternoon, which brought the tally up to 2532 words. Must have a minimum of 3,334 before I sleep tonight (according to the worst-case-scenario of 50,000 words divided by 30 days), and will try to get in another 1000 words tomorrow morning between dropping off the kids and sliding into the office in time for the weekly meeting.

At the homefront, things are mildly challenging - I cannot tell a lie. Marten is endearingly supportive of my insane endeavor, but the poor thing has a stomach flu or food poisoning and has been wandering around a bit dazed and very weak since Monday morning. Sonia was more contrary than ever today - my goodness what a strong will for such a small person. She whined and screeched and moaned her way through town today while we ran errands, pulling off her boots and socks and throwing them overboard and pulling on the pants-legs of passers-by to look at them beseechingly - I want out of this buggy, I want to walk... I just want to walk... Our longest stop was the library, and the librarian was rather more short with me than usual as I paid yet another overdue fee, and I can't imagine why... sheesh. It took me until this evening just before dinner to remember that with Maddy the antidote to terrible two behavior was Big Girl Challenging Activities. I asked Sonia to set the table and to fill a cup with water from the bathroom faucet, and she cheered up considerably. Must remember this in days to come. Our Maddy got a lot of teasing today at school about a boy she has liked since the first day of school, so she was a bit moody and more talkative than usual. I am glad I am not 6, is all I can say. Ouch.

Back to Helgoland I go. Until tomorrow, good night!

"Ride on! Rough-shod if need be, smooth-shod if that will do, but ride on! Ride on over all obstacles, and win the race!"
Charles Dickens

Day 1 NaNoWriMo

Day 1... Have left my internal editor behind at the official internal editor kennel provided by the good people at the NaNoWriMo organisation (headed up by the author of No Plot, No Problem) and have the first 300 words in the bag. Only 1400 to go before I sleep...and somewhere in there I shall have to deal with the fact that my first chapter has quite unexpectedly been pirated by the granddaughter of the main character I had painstakingly developed. For Pete's sake, if my cast of characters is suddenly going to develop stage fright and send in other characters about whom I know little to nothing, this is going to be a long haul indeed. I am going to go with it, in the spirit of the quest for quantity rather than quality, but I would like to officially note my reservations about this irregular change in plans.

It is also, incidentally, Day 1 of the national dental hygiene week (the Dutch are odd that way). Maddy came home with a free toothbrush and tube of toothpaste and persuaded Sonia to play dentist with her. Sonia climbed up onto the plush 50's chair in the corner, tipped her curly- haired head back and opened her mouth wide as Maddy adjusted the bright reading lamp for optimal lighting. And just like my dentist, she asked all sorts of questions while poking around in Sonia's mouth...

NaNoWriMo

Incidentally, tomorrow is the first day of the NaNoWriMo, or, to the uninitiated - the Nationaly Novel Writing Month. I am going to participate in a kamikaze novel-writing marathon which entails writing 50,000 words in 30 days. Have done the preliminary preparation with handy bit of software called NewNovelist and am just going to go for it. Am exhilerated in the way one might be before attempting to set a time record for bungee-jumping. I expect the coming days to be similarly exciting, disorienting, tiring and punctuated by ups and downs. Will keep a record here of my progress - or should I say Jane Forsite's progress. Had to pick a user name on the site, and as my middle name Jane had been taken, I adopted the last name Forsite after the Friesian god who lives on Helgoland... good, eh?

Halloween

October 31st... Halloween. Instead of gorging themselves on candy, my half-dutch daughters are sleeping soundly in their beds. Why am I a little sad about that?

As this is my first post to my first blog, I should, I think, explain the title I have chosen. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child in 1999, I told Arne-Christian, who is a friend of mine from college who happens to be homosexual with no intention of ever becoming a father. He shook his handsome head and looked off into the distance with a melancholy smirk and said "Life as you know it is OVER, girl." And so it was. And in hindsight, all I can say is Thank God.

I never did get used to lack of sleep, but I got used functioning with the spacey feeling caused by it. Every time I thought I could not go on, I did and so grew my stamina, my coping skills, my confidence, my sense of humor, my ability to put things in perspective in the midst of the noise, mess, and misery. And I have grown and changed in ways I never dreamed possible. Having kids really is our last, best chance to grow up.

Marten to Sonia as she runs off ahead of him: your pants are all wet, kid!
Sonia to Marten, non-chalantly over her shoulder and without changing her pace: the slide!

So this is Still Life with Mama - because I still have a life, albeit unrecognizable as the same life I had as a spoiled 28 year old. And I want to take a moment every day to sit still and savor it.